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I don’t think any of us are telling the complete truth to ourselves and about ourselves. We are always holding onto some part of ourselves in an effort to keep it pulled in tight and never known. Oftentimes this holding and keeping isn’t something we’re even aware of. We carry immense perplexities as emotional, thinking humans and to know the fullness of who we are, how we feel, what we think, and why we act the way we do takes a lifetime of deep work in paying attention and learning.
We’ve learned to wrap up who we are in a tidy and acceptable package for our place in life and the expectations we create for ourselves or that are placed on us. This can be self-preservation to ensure we are accepted within a relationship, community, or even remaining acceptable to ourselves. Sometimes this has served to protect us in relationships or situations where physical or emotional harm was a real threat and so we coped in the best way we were capable of at the time. Inadvertently through our experiences we learn to suppress parts of ourselves.
Even in our closest relationships we are never fully known. There are parts of us that only we can know for ourselves.
We let fear lead and in turn we feel the ache of never being fully known. We are led by fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of disappointment, fear of expectations, or even fear of knowing ourselves and what will be required of us once we face that truth. What if we could find a way to lead with love instead of fear? What might shift? How might we change or walk towards a deeper freedom?
We are excavators of our own person-hood and sometimes what we discover or what becomes unearthed is exactly what we’ve tried so hard to keep buried. Only when we uncover these deeply hidden parts of ourselves are we able to examine it and learn from it. These self-discoveries are vulnerable but the vulnerability of being known moves us closer to love. To love and to know love requires vulnerability.
How would it feel to finally face or voice the truth of yourself? What if you made space for those thoughts and feelings that lay hidden?
I feel lonely even though I know I have friends and family that love me.
I’m scared I’m not enough and that I don’t matter.
I’m worried I’ve made too many mistakes and it’s too late to start over.
I’m angry at God.
I’m worried I’ll never be content with myself.
My marriage is hard.
I feel envious of my friends instead of being happy for what they have.
Some days I wish I could run away.
I don’t like who I see when I look in the mirror.
Silence scares me because I’m afraid of what I might encounter in it.
I feel I can’t let my guard down or I’ll be hurt.
I don’t know what I believe about God.
I want to feel loved for who I am.
I’m tired of always trying to be strong.
I hate the people who have hurt me.
I don’t like my work and career.
I wish things were different.
I wish I were different.
My guess is at least one of those statements resonated with you like the way some of them form a lump in my throat with their truth or you could add your own that rings true. Facing the truth that we try so hard to silence is sometimes painful but I also know when we tell the truth to ourselves it helps us begin to move towards love. Inch by inch we can move towards the truth of who we are and let that truth be held by love. Those truths that are hard to face or share don’t have to define us but they can help to teach us. When we face those hard truths we then can hold them with more compassion and curiosity and welcome the love of God into that holding. We’re told “The truth shall set you free” (John 8:32), the truth of ourselves included. What would it look like to tell the whole truth about ourselves, to ourselves, with God’s love at the center of it all?
This truth telling isn’t just for us. When we’re more honest and living with the truth of our shortcomings, struggles, thoughts, feelings, as well as our joys and giftings, we show up in our relationships and communities more wholehearted and true to ourselves and to the way God made us. It allows us to make space for others to show up fully and tell the truth.
Grace and love have to be our companions in this truth telling because without them we will fall into judgement and shame. This is true for ourselves and in how we welcome the truth of what others share. Fear will meet us but we can acknowledge it without letting it heap shame on us. A key part of this is remembering we are already, as we are, loved by God. In Christ we can lay down shame and cling to our belovedness as we let love do the work of transformation.
It’s worth noting that just because something is true doesn’t mean it’s always true. Facing a truth might take away some of the power it’s had in your life and give way to freedom. We are always growing, changing, becoming. There are always new ways of being and transformation that come as love leads us.
Here’s to being truth-telllers about ourselves and to ourselves.
A Resource
Today’s post was longer than usual and I hope you found something valuable in my words. Two books that have been helpful to me in my own journey of uncovering the truth of who I am and working to shed my false self come from David Benner. They are short but go deep and I highly recommend them. Surrender to Love and The Gift of Being Yourself.
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear any thoughts this may have sparked for you. Lindsay