Welcome to Pushing Pause! A bi-weekly newsletter offering you an invitation to push pause and explore faith, rest, and beauty in the every day moments of life.
Last week was Holy Week and I hope you had a wonderful Easter! We are smack dab in the middle of a beautiful spring here in NC and I have loved watching the world around me uncurl and stretch out from its winter sleep. The birds seem to be singing for joy at their loudest against a backdrop of bright green. It’s lovely and it’s my favorite time of year.
My kids are in 5th grade and 7th grade and are at different schools which for us also means a different school calendar. This mostly works fine and has enough overlap but their spring breaks did not line up, so while one had 2 weeks out last month, the other had 3 weeks off this month. Because of this, we had no exciting spring break plans or trips. It was just a lot of ordinary life with one kid off at a time. I’ve been working as a substitute teacher a few days a week but because the majority of schools in our district were off last week, I saw it as my spring break as well. I went into Holy Week deciding to rest a bit more, read more, and disconnect from my phone and online as much as possible.
Leading up to this week I was feeling antsy and distracted. I felt like I was buzzing underneath the surface and noticed myself more anxious as I drove or jumped from one task to the next. I know the signs of when I’m too connected to news, other people’s thoughts/opinions, too inundated with messages, ideas, products to buy, schedules to keep, and even beautiful good art. I become unable to separate and parcel out the necessary and good parts because it becomes like a swirling mass all mixed together. It swirls around in my head and my spirit until it feels like I’m being picked up in the movement, growing dizzy while the noise gets louder and the motions becomes faster. When this swirling grows within and is hard to stop, I recognize it’s time to find a way to steady myself again and the best remedy I’ve found for myself is to embrace more quiet, make my world smaller where I can, read, do yoga, and be in nature. Of course all of these working together are great, but even one helps.
Last week my days unfolded quietly with reading, a walk in the neighborhood, and sitting on the front bench listening to the world come alive. I reached for my phone only to respond to some texts, check my email once or twice a day, and to do Wordle. By the time Friday came I realized I had only been to 5 places and they were all within 3 miles of my home. I dug in the dirt and planted, I moved my reading from the hammock to the deck chasing the light or the shade depending on the weather, I discovered a nest of baby birds and worried myself with their care as I watched from my window. I chatted with neighbors in my driveway over icy cold glasses of lemonade my daughter sold from her stand, I cleaned a few closets, completed some work for my class, and marveled at the gift of perfect spring days so full of color and beauty. It was spectacularly quiet and unproductive in the way I would ordinarily measure my weeks and low and behold the buzzing stopped. That swirling slowed and I could complete thoughts and tasks without jumping to the next while in the middle of another.
I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish we could be productivity machines and crank out more and more and take in more and more without having to pay a cost with our frenzied souls and hurried minds. We have limits though and learning to live within those limits time and time again is necessary to our well-being. I let the boundaries fall and push it too far and the swirling begins again. It's a lesson I will learn and have to re-learn I’m guessing a million times in my lifetime. We aren’t made to hold so much. It’s not a not a punishment but a gift.
As I learn time and time again to live within my limited capacity I see the way doing so lets me experience more of the richer and fuller parts of life. The things I miss when the swirling moves too fast. When the pace slows I see the world, myself, my relationships with a more steady gaze. One that’s able to appreciate the nuance, the quirks, the beauty and the pain. One that’s able to see them through a lens of peace, patience, love rather than with irritation, annoyance, and frustration.
We don’t always get these kinds of weeks or days to unplug, get quiet, and let the swirling cease. I know this week was a gift in its own right. We do however get a daily, moment by moment say into a lot of what we allow to get our attention and our hearts. Whether we listen to the podcast in the car instead of the silence. If we turn the news on first thing in the morning or welcome the day with prayer. If we keep the email notifications on or turn them off. If we say yes to making the music we love or scrolling for more hot takes on Twitter. Sometimes the swirling is moving so fast it can be hard to stop. Choose one small thing and then another and notice how things change or how you feel or how the buzzing of your mind grows quieter. We don’t have to live with the constant swirling. It may never stop completely as we inhabit these bodies on this earth but there is more in our control than we often think.
A Resource
Last week I read Shauna Niequist’s new book, I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet. It was the best companion of short essays that covered a range of topics that helped slow the swirling for me.
A Practice
If today’s post left you with a longing for your own swirling to slow down, I hope you’ll find this practice useful.
Make your own list of a few things that you know help you to feel connected to yourself more deeply and that can be easily done. Coffee on the porch, deleting a few apps that you use too much, an evening walk, prayer, etc.
Pick one or two to do each day.
Pick a time this week for a more prolonged quiet/unplugging and an activity that you enjoy that helps you unwind or come home to yourself in a way that slows the swirling.
Here’s to a week where the swirling slows a little, we find our footing, and we are held always in love. Thanks for reading! - Lindsay