I’m glad you’re here as we push pause together to lean into stories, rest, and beauty in the midst of our everyday lives.
I remember sitting in my elementary school classrooms each year for standardized testing with a bubble sheet before me and a # 2 pencil in hand ready to precisely color in the circle for my answer of choice. One of the portions of the test was to evaluate our listening skills. The teacher would read a few paragraphs or a short story and then ask us corresponding questions about the text. “What did Jan buy from the store?” “What is the author’s main point?” The goal was for us to listen for details, facts, or to deduct meaning.
Since those classroom days I’ve perhaps forgotten to continue training in the art of listening. After the constant call to listen as a child you reach a point of thinking you’ve done enough listening and begin to find your voice. In those teenage and early adult years you often think you’ve got things figured out and that the world needs you to impart your wisdom. We condition ourselves away from listening and become experts in our own thinking.
If I listen, how I listen, and whether I listen well is something I’ve been watching in myself over the past few years and too often I don’t like what I see. I’m quick to want my voice to not just be heard but understood! The reality of our culture is that good listening is a rarity. I’ve walked away from events or dinners and felt that no one knew me any better than before even though we’d just spent hours together in conversation. I’m guessing you can relate and I’m sure I’ve contributed to those feelings in others. Our lack of listening well isn’t intentional but it is something to recognize. When we ask good questions and then take the time to thoughtfully engage our heart and mind in listening we communicate to the other that they are seen and that their words are valued.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James 1:19
Just like my standardized testing on listening, it takes practice and work. Some of us are more inclined to be good listeners but natural disposition isn’t an excuse for the rest of us. Listening helps us hear and then respond to the world around us with compassion and love. To truly listen is to let the words of the person speaking stand without judgement. That is not to say we can’t disagree with the words of others or offer our opinion but we first need to hold space with a posture of humility to listen. Listening becomes the gateway to friendship, healthy discussion and debate, and empathy.
Before empathy speaks, it listens. -Lisa Van Engen
In the life of Jesus we see his example of listening to the needs and struggles of others. In the gospel of John 4:4-42 we see Jesus meet the Samaritan woman at the well and he engages in conversation with her, a surprising and subversive act for the times given her cultural, gender, and moral standing. Again we see his inclination to listen in his encounter with a blind beggar, Bartimaeus. Jesus asked of him, “What do you want me to do for you?”. He must have known, but he made room for Bartimaeus’ voice.
We too need to leave room for the voices of others. Whether it’s in our conversations with friends and family or in listening to the larger conversations being had within our communities, culture, or world. An intentional, active and engaging way of listening is how we grow, change, and then respond in love.
A Resource
The Listening Life by Adam S. McHugh: Embracing Attentiveness in a World of Distraction.
I loved this thoughtful book that challenged and taught me more about how to attentively listen in many areas of life including to others, creation, scripture, and more.
The listening heart is one that seeks to understand before it is understood. Listening for understanding and judging what we hear cannot coexist. If you are spending your energy evaluating and critiquing what the other person says, you do not have mental space to listen. - Adam McHugh
A Practice
Notice this week where you need to practice the art of listening. The needs of a spouse? A friend facing a hard decision? The black community? Let our listening presence lead us into empathy as we seek to hear and understand.
Thanks for reading and sharing this space with me! You can hit reply to this email to share your thoughts. - Lindsay